


Lost and Found in Time

by indigomyst00



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Gen, M/M, Supernatural AU - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:20:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigomyst00/pseuds/indigomyst00
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has been given an important mission to watch over a very special boy. A boy who will bring about a wondrous change to our world, but only if Castiel can keep him on his path.<br/> </p>
<p>**Original premise based on the fan video The Man Who Leapt Through Time by kikaisaigono (kikistiel . tumblr . com)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I do not own the Supernatural characters. All rights belong to the CW and Eric Kripke. This is a slightly AU story rated for later chapters. Please Read and Review. This is my first Supernatural fic.

The first time Dean truly remembered seeing Cas was when he was 4 years old. He recognized the trench coated man the second he appeared.

"Cas!" Dean squealed as he ran over to his friend, wrapping his chubby little arms around the man's leg. Dean's cheek pressed against the outside of Cas' thigh as he squeezed with all his might. Cas smiled and gently patted the toddler's head.

Dean gazed at Cas in wonder as he stepped back. "I have a brother now Cas! His name's Sammy. Do you want to meet him?" Dean asked. The rest of Cas' brief visit was spent playing with army men on the floor with Dean and his baby brother. Dean had realized many years later that the sadness in Cas' eyes when he vanished was undoubtedly because he knew the boy's mother, Mary, would be dead within a matter of days.

Dean still missed his mother terribly. Of course, thinking about his mom brought on memories of his father. Dean tried to block most of those out. His dad had changed so much after Mary passed that Dean didn't recognize him. John died when Sam was 15, having killed his liver trying to drown Mary's memory. Dean didn't want to dwell on that now, though. It was 12:01 A.M. on October 22nd, his most favorite day of the year - the day Cas would visit. Dean shook his hands out trying to rid himself of the slight tremor he always seemed to get when Cas would show up. He wasn't shaking though. He thought to himself "You, Dean Winchester, are 24 and do not shake."

Dean heard Cas before he saw him. A high-pitched squeal always preceded the brightest, whitest light Dean had ever seen. As he heard it now, a content smile spread across his lips. The glow started from behind him. Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head back, as the warmth that accompanied Cas' arrival surrounded him.

A hand gently touched Dean's shoulder.

Dean whipped around and found himself staring into Cas' eyes. Those eyes always pinned him where he stood; a blue so deep the sea was jealous. It was probably a good thing that Dean seemed to be stuck to the Earth though, if he hadn't, he probably would've jumped into Cas' arms the second he had materialized. Dean loved Cas with all his heart. He knew this. He'd had plenty of girlfriends and had always been straight, but something about the strange man in the rumpled suit and backwards tie had always been the exception in his world.

"Hello Dean."

Our story begins almost 2 millennia before Dean Winchester would take his first breath. Even then, Castiel had been around for what would have seemed like forever. However, he really wasn't much different from you and me. He was loyal to his missions, loved his Father, his family, and his Father's favorite creation, Man. However, a Seraph like Castiel was a warrior fighting for the will of his Father, and as such, had never had an audience directly with Him. He thought of himself as a typical Angel. No emotions, no wants or needs, other than to serve Heaven. His existence just, was.

Castiel had been watching Isidorus lead the Egyptians in a revolt against the Roman ruler Marcus Aurelius. He always found human battles curious. As he watched, he felt a vibration in his Grace. One of the Host of Angels, Joshua, was calling to him; he was to meet with his Father at once. Castiel thought of Home, and with the faintest flutter of wings, he was in the Garden. This was his favorite place to receive revelation, the central nexus of Heaven. Joshua was there, of course. He led Castiel to a stone bench surrounded by trees, then nodded slightly as he left.

Castiel felt, as much as heard, his Father's voice. Not the booming voice from the sky you might expect, just a soft male voice, full of kindness.

"Castiel, my son," the voice said. "I have a very important mission for you."

Castiel said nothing. He just nodded quietly, waiting.

"First though, I would like you to see something, a human event that has not yet happened." The voice came closer, and took shape. It could be described as a bright white mist in the shape of a man, but with no discernable features.

The mist enveloped Castiel, and he felt a rushing sensation. They were suddenly peering in on a human scene. It was not like looking through a window, per se, more like looking though space-time. They were observing a simple apartment. It was clean, but nothing extravagant. Inside, a very tall man stood, smiling down at an infant girl in a basinet. The baby squirmed as the large man gently rested his hand on her stomach.

"That, my son, is Sam Winchester." The angel's Father explained.

The scene confused Cas. It was touching, but he was unsure what his Father wanted him to do with this information.

His Father whispered, "Patience my son."

Castiel steeled himself, and waited for the mystery to be revealed. Looking away from the child, the angel realized his existence was about to change forever. Walking toward the basinet was another man, but not just any man. Time seemed to slow down as Castiel watched him approach. This man surely had to be the most beautiful of all God's creations. He was above average height, but not as tall as Sam. His short, well-kept hair was light brown with highlights of blonde. His body was fit, but not overly muscular. If Castiel had needed to breath, he surely would've stopped when he looked into the man's eyes. They were the color of moss in a cool forest. Castiel had never seen eyes so deep or pure. The angel suddenly felt a number of sensations ripping through him that he didn't understand, and couldn't stop. He was unsure of what he was feeling, but the fact remained. He was feeling.

God's voice seeped into Castiel's being, "My son, this man is Sam's brother, and is very important. His daughter, the child you see there, will bring peace to this world. His journey to become the man you see before you though, will be a difficult one. If he strays from the path I have laid out for him, she will not be born. I want you to watch over him."

Castiel was unsure as a warrior what he could do to help, but his Father's will is absolute, so it would be done. God explained that He wished for Castiel to stay hidden from the human, and only intervene when absolutely necessary. The intent of his Father's will flowed through him.

For the first time since he came to the Garden, Castiel spoke. "Father what is this man's name?"

"Dean." Was the only reply.

The vision faded, and Castiel found himself alone in the Garden. Needing to settle his mind, the angel ventured to the largest canyon on Earth - it was his favorite place to reflect. Logically, he knew it would be more than 1700 years before Dean would be born. He thought over all his Father had said, and all he had felt. Castiel was terribly confused by the rush of what could only be emotions, no human had ever evoked those feelings in him before. The more he thought about Dean, the more the feelings grew and became part of his grace. Regardless of his angelic focus Castiel kept seeing Dean's face, his eyes. If he had been asked, Castiel wouldn't be able to say when the idea to visit Dean in the future was born, only that it had been.

As an Angel, Castiel knew he could travel through time. The simple mechanics of bending Space-time was familiar to all angels. However, the ability to control it precisely was easier for the stronger Arch Angels like his brother, Gabriel. The sheer desire to see Dean again became completely overwhelming for our young Seraphim. It soon became only a question of when he would go to see him, not if.

First thing was first. Being a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent, Castiel needed a vessel. The Angel focused all his grace to find a willing soul somewhere in the future. What he found was a man named Jimmy Novak. His child was grown and his wife had passed. He was alone, devout, and he agreed without hesitation. Once fully seated inside of Jimmy's body, Castiel looked in the mirror. He was in his mid-30's, but fit. Jimmy seemed to have a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow, and his dark hair seemed to have a mind of its own. His deep blue eyes narrowed with Castiel's scrutiny. He was a suitable vessel and easily contained the angel.

The next step was to find Dean. He knew when and where in the space-time continuum he wanted to go, he just needed to focus all his grace on getting to that point. As his focus tightened though, he felt the strangest sensation come over him. Warmth spread from inside his vessel throughout his whole body and being. Castiel stayed focused on Dean, but allowed himself to be caught up in the warm feeling as well, it was then, he leapt through time.

When Castiel's vision cleared he found himself in front of a dingy motel, the bright green eyes of a child peering through a window at him.

Dean was tired. He just wanted his brother to go to sleep. Sam knew this was the day that Cas always had shown up. "Why does he always have to ask so many questions?" Dean thought as he rubbed his hand over his face.

"Where is he anyway?" Sam asked.

"He'll be here, I promise." Dean replied softly. His brother may be a pest, but he was his pest, and Dean loved him.

"But, doesn't he usually get a whole day to spend with you?" Sam was, as usual, too smart for his own good.

"Yeah." Dean whispered as he stood to walk to the window.

Sam had started babbling on about something, Dean had stopped listening - lost in his own thoughts. Sam was right; Cas wasn't usually so late, it was already 9 o'clock at night. A bright flash caused Dean to look out the window. He turned and grabbed his jacket off of the dirty, old couch, and headed for the door.

"Wait?! Where are you going?" Sam questioned.

"Out." And a slam of the door was Dean's reply.

Dean really didn't mind sharing Cas' visits with Sam, but this year he just needed to be alone.

"Cas! You came!" Dean yelled as he jogged across the parking lot. "Castiel? You ok?" Dean added when his friend didn't respond.

Castiel tilted his head at the young boy, he felt, something. He knew this was Dean. However, he only looked to be about 12 years old. The angel was completely confused as to how this could be Dean, and how he knew his name, and what was a Cas? Castiel reached out with his Grace to feel the forces of the universe around him, and confirmed it was in fact 1990 anno domini, October 22nd to be exact.

"Cas?" Dean asked again, starting to worry about his friend.

Trying out his vessel's voice for the first time, Castiel spoke, "Wh-what is a Cas?" he found the voice to be rough and low, but not entirely unpleasant.

"Your name?" Dean incredulously informed his friend, his eyes wide. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, Dean." Cas pondered the boy. It seems he had given him a nickname; Castiel actually kind of liked it.

So many things were running through Dean's mind, he just wanted to talk to his friend. Cas was the only person he could talk to without being told to man up, or grow up. Cas just seemed so, out of it.

"It's late already Cas. How long are you gonna get to stay?" Dean asked.

Meanwhile, Castiel was piecing things together in his mind. It was obvious he had visited before. He knew he should probably try to go back to Heaven in order to figure out why he didn't jump to where he had intended. Just then a rush of fear gripped him. What if he had to save Dean at some point, and that was how the boy had found out he was watching. He figured it may be a good idea to stay for a while to see what information he could garner from Dean.

"How long did I stay last time Dean?" Castiel inquired.

"All day, like 24 hours. Like always Cas." Dean supplied.

They found a bench and talked for a couple of hours. Well, Dean talked. Cas, mostly just listened. It seemed that Dean thought Cas was just a man. Obviously, not a normal man, but not an angel either. Dean spoke of his father, the drinking, the moving around the country for work. Looking at him again, Cas could see Dean was tired. It was not just the fatigue showing in his body, his soul was weary as well. Castiel felt that was reprehensible for a 12 year old to be in that state. He gently questioned Dean about his previous visits and learned that every year on October 22nd he had visited Dean for as long as the boy could remember. Cas had appeared at different times during the day, but the visits had always lasted 24 hours. Cas then noticed Dean was shivering. He removed the trench coat Jimmy was wearing, and wrapped it around his shoulders. They continued to sit side by side staring forward at nothing in particular. When Dean suddenly begins to speak of his mother's death, Castiel unexpectedly feels immense sadness for the boy. He glances down to see a single tear rolling down Dean's cheek, as the boy leans his small frame against Cas' arm, not crying, just breathing shakily. The angel wishes to comfort the boy, but is unsure of what is appropriate.

Luckily, Dean saves him from his dilemma. He sniffs softly as he stands and looks back at Cas; the trench coat dwarfing his small form, "Cas, I'm sorry. Ya know, 'bout last time. I didn't mean it."

"You wanna say Hi to Sam?" Dean asked, glancing toward the motel, and then back to his friend, before Castiel had a chance to question what had happened before.

Cas nods and stands to place his hand gently on Dean's shoulder, giving silent reassurance to the boy.

After listening to Sam excitedly chatter on about school for an hour, it's apparent that both boys are in need of rest. Castiel insists that both Sam and Dean retire to bed. Reluctantly, Dean climbed on the bed next to his brother.

As Dean lay back on the bed with the trench coat draped over him, he reaches for Cas' arm. "You won't leave, right?"

"I will watch over you." Cas soothes as he pulls the coat closer to Dean's neck.

As Dean and Sam drift off, Cas wonders about their lives and what the future holds for them, for all of them.

Around three in the morning John Winchester arrives at the motel, obviously drunk. Castiel quickly exchanges a blanket for his coat, and hides by keeping himself just out of phase with their world. It takes all the young Angel has to keep from slamming this man into a wall to show him the error of his ways. When John passes out on the bed next to the boys, Castiel takes his leave from the motel room.

Later that morning Dean wakes up to find a blanket covering him, and his dad passed out in the bed. Just as he starts to get angry at his father, he looks out the window to see Cas standing in the parking lot. Dean cleans up as quietly and quickly as he can, running outside as soon as he's done; his face practically split in two by his huge smile. The rest of the visit is quiet. John leaves around three in the afternoon supposedly for a job, and since it is Saturday there is no school. Cas spends the day being amazed by Sam's intelligence, and Dean's kindness. For the first time he can recall, he smiles.

As the 24 hour mark approaches Castiel figures the best course of action is to keep with what he learned from Dean. In trying to decide when to jump to Cas determines that the best course of action is to try again for the future date.

"It is time for me to go, Dean." Castiel says, while he and Dean watch Sam act out something that happened at school.

"Do you have to? I mean, can't you just stay?" Dean winces at how like a girl he sounds. He thinks his Dad would kick his butt.

"I'm afraid I must." Cas lowers his head, truly he wants nothing more than to stay and watch Dean grow.

"Will you come back next year?" Dean requested hopefully.

"I would like nothing more, Dean, but I cannot be sure." Cas smiles.

"Ok. As long as you try, I guess." Dean shrugs. They hadn't discussed the mechanics of how Cas was able to visit him. He didn't believe the boy would understand.

"I will try." And Cas means it, but knows there is much he needs to figure out before he could promise his return.

"Bye, Cas." Sam waves from the bed his nose stuck in a book. Dean just rolls his eyes.

"See you soon." Dean says. As almost an afterthought Dean wraps his arms around Cas' middle in a hug that was over before it began.

Cas tilts his head as he focuses his grace on the future Dean his Father had showed him. The warmth from before starts to envelop him, and a small smile plays on his lips as he fades from view in a flash of warm, white light.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has been given an important mission to watch over a very special boy. A boy who will bring about a wondrous change to our world, but only if Castiel can keep him on his path.

Cas felt the rush that came with time travel and knew he had arrived. He looked around to find himself in an empty nursery. Castiel was wondering if maybe this was for Dean's daughter, when he heard a man and woman's voice ascending the stairs. Quickly Cas went out of phase as they entered the room; he was baffled, this was not Dean. He reached out with his angelic senses and found, much to his dismay that the date was, in fact October 22nd. However, the year was 1978. This woman must be Dean's mother. By this time the man, Castiel assumed was John, had left the room.

"Oh! Quite a kick there." Mary started, "Trouble maker already." she coos at her stomach.

Castiel realizes Dean's mother is about 6 months along in her pregnancy. She is rubbing her belly as she speaks softly. "It's ok baby. It's all ok. Angels are watching over you."

Castiel notices a small Angel figure on a shelf over the crib. He looks down as he feels his cheeks heat up, and he realizes that yes, in fact, there is. A loud scream and crash jolts Cas from his musings, but he stays hidden as he rushes into the hall. While Cas was distracted, Mary had left the room and fell down the stairs. John was already by her side calling to her. When she didn't wake, he ran to their kitchen to call for help. Cas immediately flew to her, and coming back into phase touched her forehead. She was unconscious with a moderate concussion. She would be fine. Horror gripped Cas as he looked at her stomach. He placed his hand on her belly and felt for Dean. The baby's lung had been punctured; Dean would be dead in moments if Castiel didn't intervene. Using his Grace he mended Dean's damaged tissues and healed the child, a little of Cas' Grace being left behind to mingle with Dean's soul. Once he was sure the boy would be fine, Cas placed two fingers to Mary's head to relieve her concussion. Becoming invisible again, Cas stepped away from Mary as John returned.

Castiel followed the Winchesters to the hospital and spent the next 24 hours ensuring there were no unforeseen complications. As he watched John and Mary he felt a tug on his grace. At first he thought it was the Host of Angels telling him he should return to heaven. The more he isolated the feeling though it became obvious it had more to do with needing to jump out of this time. The tug became a pull, and before Cas knew it he felt as if an Angel Blade was being jabbed into his heart. He tried desperately to stay, but the pain became overwhelming. Still not wanting to leave, Cas thought maybe he could try to jump to the next year instead of trying to go to Dean's adult life. Focusing through the pain Cas aimed for the nursery again in hopes he'd make it to the correct time.

Cas appears with a thud and immediately falls to the ground, breathing deeply as the pain subsides. Looking around he notices that he is in fact in the same nursery. Sleeping in the crib is a baby boy that couldn't be much more than 9 months old. It takes only a moment for Cas to feel the tiny portion of his Grace calling out to him from inside of Dean.

This was an unexpected side effect of healing the child. Cas softly places his hand on Dean's stomach, and reaches out to his grace. What he feels causes him to stumble back a few steps. Not only is his Grace now an integral part of Dean's soul, that soul is the brightest and most pure soul Cas has ever encountered. Cas watches Dean wake slowly from his nap. As his eyes come to rest on Cas, the Angel feels both soul and grace flare up in recognition. The baby's small hands reach for Cas, even though this is the first time he'd actually seen him. Cas leans over the crib and gives Dean an index finger to grasp and tug at. The skin around Cas' eyes crinkles as he smiles, realizing he will truly be connected to this human forever.

"Hello, Dean." Cas whispers to the baby.

Hearing movement on the stairs Cas fades from view as Mary comes to check on her son. "What are you looking at, Dean?" She asks; looking around the room to see what has caught her son's attention.

Finding nothing of interest, she goes about changing him and taking him down stairs. When John comes home, Cas spends his time watching the young family interact. John is not the drunkard he had seen before. This man is loving, and supportive; playing with Dean on the floor while Mary cooks dinner, changing Dean's diaper in the middle of the night so Mary can sleep just a little longer. Castiel feels remorse for his previous thoughts about this man. He understands now that what he saw was extreme grief.

Every moment of Cas' visit is spent watching over Dean. The joy he feels when the child looks right at him, even though the adults have no clue he's there, is second only to the joy he feels with his Father. The rest of his visit is uneventful, and helps to calm Cas. When he feels that it is time to go he slips back into phase and leans over Dean's crib - letting the baby play with his tie. Cas watches with a small smile as Dean stuffs the end of the tie in his mouth.

"I will see you soon, ok?" Cas whispers.

Baby Dean smiles around the tie, then it, and the angel, vanishes.

Cas appears to find he jumped to the next year. He appears just out of sight of Mary who is tending a small garden while Dean plays in a sandbox. He knows neither of them should be able to see him, but Dean looks up none the less. In mere moments he has locked eyes with the Angel.

"It shouldn't be possible for him to see me", Castiel thinks. Staying hidden from Mary, Cas went to Dean and squatted in front of him.

"You can see me?" Cas quietly asked Dean.

"Uh huh." Came the boy's answer as he nodded his head and pushed a toy car through the sand.

"Play wif me." Dean grinned handing a toy car to Cas.

Cas grinned and held onto the car; glancing up to make sure Mary was still working the garden.

He watched the boy play in the sand for a few moments.

"Dean." Mary said as she stood. "You stay right there. I'll be right back." She walked into the back of the house.

"What's your name?" Dean asked as he looked into Cas' eyes.

"Castiel." He said tilting his head slightly, thinking that Dean was very smart for such a young child.

"Casfiel?" Dean tried. Obviously he was still learning a few things.

Cas smiled, "You can call me Cas." he said, remembering fondly the nickname Dean had used.

"Cas." Dean repeated as he played.

Castiel sat on the ground and wrapped his arms around his knees. Dean began talking to him, and although he could catch a few words here and there, most did seem to be baby gibberish. When Mary came back out with some water for her and Dean she laughed as she squatted next to her boy.

"Who are you talking to, Dean?" she said as she patted his back.

"Cas." Dean said without hesitation as he took his water.

"Ok, dear." She patted him again and went back to gardening. It seems Cas had been written off as an imaginary friend.

Castiel spent the rest of the day being amazed at the progress Dean had made in a year. To think that this child would become the amazing man Castiel had seen was astounding to him. He had never followed a human life so closely. He doubted this is what his Father had intended when he showed Dean and his daughter to Castiel. It had occurred to Cas to go back to Heaven, but the overwhelming feeling that he needed to be near Dean, to watch over him, made Cas shake off the thoughts of going home.

The rest of this visit, as well as the next were uneventful. The angel was glad that he was jumping sequentially through Dean's life. He truly enjoyed being witness to the progress Dean had made in a year, as well as, the love his mother and father gave him. Toward the end of his time in 1982 Castiel realized that if the pattern held, the next year would be just a few days before Dean's mother died. Cas wished there was something he could do; maybe appear to Mary to warn her. He knew that was far too dangerous though. Dean needed to stay on his path so that he could have his daughter. From what Cas had already seen in 1990, Mary was not part of his journey. So when Cas started to feel the now familiar pull, it was with a heavy heart that he appeared in Dean's room.

It was the same room as before, although now there was a bed and it had been painted a light blue.

"Cas!" Dean jumped off the bed, and ran over. The hug around his leg caught Cas off guard, and he patted Dean's head. He had grown so much already.

Dean explained that he had a brother now, Sam.

Cas was shocked to see how little Sam was, knowing the giant of a man he would become. After carefully carrying the 6 month old into his room the three sat on the floor for the better part of the day. Dean had started pre-school and was telling Cas all about the children in his class. When the Angel heard someone approaching he slipped out of sight.

"What are you doing Dean?" Mary asked as she checked on Sam. The baby cooed as his mother pulled an army man out of his fist.

"Sam and I are playing Army men with Cas." Dean said nonchalantly like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Where's Cas now, baby?" Mary had looked a little concerned as she glanced around the room.

Dean looked up and shrugged. "He's invisible."

"Did he leave?" Mary squatted next to Dean.

"No, he's still here, just invisible." Dean supplied.

Cas was amazed by the conversation. So it appears that Dean could no longer see him, but knew he was still there. "He must still be able to feel my grace." Castiel thought.

Mary looked around the room again, shook her head and stood. "Ok well tell Cas goodbye, it's time to wash up for dinner."

"Ok momma." Dean stood. "Bye, Cas!" Dean waved enthusiastically at nothing in particular.

Mary picked Sam up and the three went down stairs. Later that evening Cas came to say goodbye to Dean before he jumped again. Mary had just turned his nightlight on and closed his door.

Dean sleepily sat up in bed. "Cas, you there?" he said rubbing his eyes.

"Hello, Dean." Cas stepped out of the shadows, the sadness in his heart making it hard to even look at the boy. "I just came to say goodbye, and to tell you that no matter what happens I will always watch over you."

"Ok, Cas." Dean yawned and stretched as he laid back. "Bye."

Cas looked down at the sleeping boy, wishing there was something he could do to save him from the event to come.


	3. Chapter 3

That day began just like any other for the 4 year old Dean. He came home from preschool and ate his lunch, animatedly telling his mother and Sam about his day. He never would recall anything unusual about the day. However, his life would be forever changed later that night. After his father got home they had dinner, the boys got their baths, John read Dean a story, and then bed.   
Dean remembered his mother carrying him into Sam’s room to say goodnight before his father tucked him in - the way her hair smelled of shampoo.   
“Come on; let’s say goodnight to your brother.” Mary said as she set Dean down.   
He leaned over the crib, pressing a protective big-brother kiss to Sammy’s forehead. “Good night, Sam.”  
“Hey, Dean.” Came his father’s voice from the door.   
“Daddy!” Dean exclaimed as he ran to him.   
John swooped him up in his arms “Hey, buddy. So what do you think? You think Sammy’s big enough to toss around a football yet?”  
“No, Daddy.” Dean giggled as John playfully rolled his eyes and agreed “No.”  
His father carried him to his room and tucked him in. The next thing Dean remembers is waking up to a loud noise. He got about halfway down the hall to see his father coming out of Sam’s room holding his brother.   
“Daddy?!” Dean asked, not understanding anything that was happening.   
John thrust Sam into Dean’s arms “Take your brother outside as fast as you can; don’t look back. Now Dean, go!”  
Dean did as told, and ran through the house as fast as his legs could carry him. When he reached the yard he looked up to see Sam’s bedroom window filled with flames.   
“It’s ok, Sammy.” He soothed. Dean didn’t have long to think about anything, as his father came behind him and scooped both him and Sam up. John ran with the boys, as the explosion happened. Later, sitting on the hood of his dad’s car, Dean tried to understand what had happened. His father just said that Mommy was gone. It didn’t make any sense to Dean at all.   
The next few weeks were very hard on the small family. They had stayed in motels until after Mary’s funeral; then John had moved them to their uncle Bobby’s house in South Dakota. Dean had cried for what seemed like hours; he didn’t want to leave his school, his friends, his house. If they were in a different house, would Cas be able to find him? It didn’t take long for Dean to see the difference in his father. He barely spoke to Dean, barely held Sam, John just sat and drank. Bobby tried to keep Dean distracted as best he could, but the boy hardly knew his uncle, and was grieving himself. The next September Dean started kindergarten. He made new friends, but still missed his old ones, and of course Cas.   
When Dean got off the bus in front of Bobby’s house that Monday, he knew something was different.   
“Cas.” He whispered as he ran to the house.   
Dean dropped his backpack at the door as he burst in; yelling to Bobby as he bounded up the stairs “Hey, Uncle, I’m home!”  
By the time Bobby had peeked around the wall in the living room Dean was already at the top. “Don’t run in the house, ya idjit!” Bobby said with a small smile.  
When Dean reached his room he stopped, frozen, saying a silent prayer that his friend was in his room. He slowly opened the door, looking around as he stepped inside. There, looking out the window was the trench-coated man.   
As he turned his head toward Dean, a slight smile played on his lips. “Hello, Dean.”  
“Cas!” Dean exclaimed as he ran to his friend. Seeing Cas, hearing the familiar voice, it just made Dean break down; tears running down his cheeks as he wrapped his arms around his friend. Cas rested his hand lightly on Dean’s back and stayed silent, allowing the boy to let out the anguish of losing his mother. After a few minutes Dean pulled away and looked up at Cas with those bright green eyes. The remorse and sorrow in them bit into Cas. He so wanted to take all the pain from this boy, help him be a normal child, with normal worries, that would never be the case though. Not for many years, at least. Cas sat in the chair while Dean sat on his bed, relaying everything he remembered about that night to his friend. His dad had told him that it was bad wiring in the house, that they barely got Sammy out. The strength and bravery Dean had shown then - and was showing now - impressed Castiel immensely.   
Dean wanted Cas to stay for dinner, but had a feeling that he was going to say no. When asked, Cas explained that he didn’t think now was the best time for him to meet Dean’s father and uncle. The angel realized that situation would have to be addressed, at some point. He didn’t feel right telling the boy to keep a secret from his father. However, there would be too many questions Cas was unsure how to answer if he did allow John to see him.   
“If you’d like, I will come back to say goodbye before you go to sleep.” Cas stated.   
Dean didn’t like it, he wanted him to stay, but would rather have a little time with his friend than none at all. When Dean was called down for dinner, Cas left the house and watched from out in the salvage yard. He knew this was more the distance his Father had wanted him to keep. The thought of Heaven made him wonder if he should try to go home; maybe see if one of the Arch Angels would be willing to help get him to the time he was trying to reach. Cas still couldn’t force the vision of the future out of his mind; the brilliant smile on Dean’s face as he held his daughter. If Cas closed his eyes he could almost put himself back there. Cas knew that he had a few hours before Dean would go to bed, so he found a comfortable spot under a tree in the back portion of the yard.   
Cas found if he focused hard enough it was almost like he was there, in that time, sharing in the joy of that day. The angel didn’t think there would be any harm in passing the time recalling the vision. He leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes. Castiel could see it all so clearly: the room, Sam, the baby girl, Dean. He found himself trying to interact with Dean in his vision - daydreaming Cas believed it was called. He had never tried it before, but now he found himself standing in front of Dean. He looked to be about 30, tall - taller than Cas’ vessel, by at least an inch.   
“He is so beautiful.” Cas thought, an unfamiliar warmth pooling in his vessel’s stomach. In his mind he reached out and laid his palm on Dean’s cheek, the man in turn leaned into the touch, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips. Dean’s hands gently grabbed Cas’ hips and pulled him closer. The daydreaming Angel looked into Dean’s eyes, just breathing, enjoying the sensation of being in the man’s arms. Dean dipped his head ever so slightly and pressed his lips to Cas’ in a soft kiss.   
Castiel’s eyes flew open. He quickly looked around the salvage yard, as his fingers brushed his lips of their own accord; Cas was completely disoriented. It had felt so real. Now Cas understood why humans loved to daydream so much. The sun had set and he wanted to say goodbye to the child, Dean, before being pulled into another jump. Castiel pondered why he was being pulled to a new time every 24 hours as he flew to Dean’s room. It was puzzling, and unsolvable in the millisecond it took him to reach his destination. He would need to resolve it soon, though; Cas was feeling just the slightest bit of fatigue, which of course for an Angel, is disconcerting.   
Dean was already asleep, his breathing slow and deep. Staring at the boy Cas’ was confused by what he was feeling. He felt strong emotions for both the child in front of him and the adult, yet they were very different. When he looked at the child he felt protective over him, and concern for his wellbeing. This, however, was not how he felt when he saw the adult Dean. Those emotions were completely overwhelming. He still felt protective of course, but the other emotions; he wasn’t even sure what to call them. There was an overpowering want to be in Dean’s presence, to talk to him, to touch him; Cas wanted Dean in every way. Castiel tried again to focus all his power on getting to the time he saw with his father, and was gone in a flash.  
As soon as Castiel fully materialized he tried to deduce the year, 1985 - Dean would be almost 7. Why couldn’t he get to where he wanted to be? Cas was quite confounded, agitated even at not being able to control when he jumped to. This of course should’ve been a sign to our young Angel; however he was nothing, if not stubborn. Over the next 4 jumps Cas noticed frightening changes in Dean’s life. John’s drinking had become an issue, not only for his health, but for the boys’ safety as well. They moved out of Bobby’s house and had been traveling the country. Whether John was chasing work or running from a ghost, Castiel wasn’t sure. The pain and grief was clearly etched on all three of the Winchesters’ faces, though. Cas tried to be there as a friend for Dean and Sam as much as possible, meanwhile watching John’s health decline each year. In 1989, Dean was almost 11. He had become very observant, and was much more intelligent than anyone in his life gave him credit for.  
“Cas?” Dean whispered.  
“Yes, Dean?” Cas said as they watched Sam play on the poor excuse for a playground at their current home.  
“Why don’t you ever let adults see you?” Dean kicked the sand with his shoe.   
Castiel hadn’t been prepared for that question and scrutinized the boy as he tilted his head. He didn’t want to lie to Dean, but thought it was best to keep his true nature a secret still. Dean was smart, but still young.  
“Why do you think they can’t see me?” Castiel answered hoping to throw Dean off.  
Dean scrunched his face at his friend. “I asked you first.”  
Maybe Cas needed to give him more credit.  
“They can’t see me, because I do not allow it. I believe they would have questions about me that I cannot answer.” Cas sighed, hoping Dean would change the subject.  
“Can’t or won’t, Cas?” Dean pushed.  
Cas opened and closed his mouth not knowing what to say as Sam ran over from the swings.  
“Cas, look! A lady bug landed on me!” Sam exclaimed.  
Cas leaned down to inspect Sam’s small hand. “Isn’t she pretty Cas?” Sam cooed at the tiny insect.   
“She is actually a “he” Sam.” Castiel gently corrected.  
Sam’s eyes grew wide as he glanced between Cas and the bug. “How do you know?”  
“No spots.” Cas pointed out. “Only female lady bugs have spots.”  
“Cool!” Sam squealed. “I found a boy lady bug.” He exclaimed as he ran back to the swings.  
Cas found himself smiling at the young boy’s curiosity. At the same time hoping that was enough of a distraction for Dean. It wasn’t.  
“Cas.” Dean looked almost angry. This was new for Cas. He’d never seen Dean angry, let alone angry at him. “Can’t or won’t?”   
“Why is it so important to you, Dean?” Cas asked, honestly confused as to why it mattered so much.  
“Cause.” Dean started; kicking at the sand again with more force. He looked up at Cas with angry tears in his eyes.   
“I told my friends about you.” Dean sniffed, obviously trying very hard not to cry in front of Cas.  
“They told me I was lying, that you aren’t real. I tried to make them believe me, and they called me a freak.” Dean rubbed his palms in his eyes.   
Dean went on to explain that he had gotten into a fight at school. The boy had called him a pussy and a girl, and Dean had been sent home early. Of course his father wanted to know why, and as Dean still had some respect for John, he told the truth. John hadn’t so much been upset about the fight, but the reason behind it. His son would not be getting into fights because he insisted he had a grown male best friend; who visited once a year, and could become invisible whenever he wanted - John wouldn’t have it. It was the first time Dean had ever been scared of his dad. John had been drinking and had reeked of liquor when he bent Dean over his knee and spanked him in front of Sam; yelling at him that it was time to grow up. Sam didn’t understand and had cried the entire time. Dean wouldn’t break though; he wouldn’t cry, he knew the truth - knew Cas was real. His dad went out after that, and left Dean to care for a very scared little brother.   
Cas swallowed the anger that threated to push its way out at the thought of John laying hands on Dean. A deep sigh is all he allowed as he sat on a nearby bench. “Dean, I wish I could appear to your friends, to your father. I am - very hard to explain though, and I don’t believe them knowing would benefit anyone.”  
“It would benefit me, Cas!” Dean yelled. “Don’t you care what happens to me?” Dean pleaded.  
“Dean.” Cas whispered softly, tilting his head. “You have no comprehension of how much you mean to me. If I could spare you pain, any pain, I would, but this.” Cas paused. “I cannot. Not now.”  
The crushed look on Dean’s face threatened to stop the heart Cas didn’t need to beat.   
“Then maybe you should just not come back any more.” Dean said as he stood. “Sammy, come on, we’re going.” Dean yelled as he walked toward his brother.  
“Dean, wait.” Cas stood.   
Without looking back Dean bitterly threw his hand in the air. “Goodbye, Castiel.”  
Cas couldn’t move. It made no sense to Castiel, how could this child stop an Angel of the Lord in his tracks; although, he now knew why Dean had been so apologetic when he had visited 1990. As Dean and Sam entered their room across the parking lot Castiel pondered his next jump. He didn’t have long till he would be forced to go, but where would he jump to this time? A terrible paradox could be created if he went back to 1990. With Dean’s words still aching in his chest, Cas focused on going home. He knew Dean would see him one more time and that his last memories of Cas would be happy ones. His Father had never intended for him to be so involved with Dean; so attached. He may have already altered Dean’s path to the point that he wouldn’t have his daughter. With a heavy heart Cas jumped, hoping the next thing he’d see was the Garden.

That Christmas was rough on Dean. He missed Cas. Dean knew that under normal circumstances he wouldn’t see him again till next year, but it didn’t make it any easier. The way he had left things with his friend, it broke Dean’s young heart. To make matters worse it was getting harder to explain to Sam where Dad was all the time. It was Christmas Eve. John had said he had to work, but that he’d be back for Christmas. Dean figured it was just another excuse for him to go out drinking. Sam was so upset he had cried himself to sleep. Dean did the only thing he could, he trudged through the cold, snowy, Nebraska, winter and found a nice looking house that appeared empty. Next was an abandoned Christmas tree lot that still had a few small pathetic trees lying around. Using the last of the cash his dad had given him for food Dean went to the corner store and grabbed a strand of lights.   
When Sammy awoke he found the cheesiest Christmas set up he’d ever seen, but it was also the best - his big brother had put it together. Dean tried to play it off like Dad had been back, but Sam knew better. He opened the presents Dean had pilfered to find a baton and a Barbie.   
“Dean, where’d you get all this stuff?” Sam asked.   
Dean sighed. He’d been caught. “Nice house up the block. I swear I didn’t know they were chick presents.” Dean confessed. “Look. I’m sure Dad woulda been here if he could.”   
Sam nodded as he reached under his jacket and pulled out a small package wrapped in the funny pages of a local newspaper.   
“Here. Take this.” He said as he handed it to Dean.  
“No. That’s for Dad.” Dean shook his head.  
Sam insisted. “Dad lied to me. I want you to have it.”   
“You sure?” Dean asked.  
“I’m sure.” Sam replied.  
Dean took the gift and carefully pulled apart the wrapping. Inside was a brass amulet on a black cord. It looked like some kind of figure head.  
“Thank you, Sam. I - I love it.” Dean stuttered slightly as he put the black cord over his head. “Where did you get this?” Dean asked.  
“Uncle Bobby, he said it was really special.” Sam smiled.   
Dean grinned as he toyed with the necklace. “Maybe this Christmas wasn’t so bad after all”, he thought.


	4. Chapter 4

It was Friday, January 24th, Dean was thirteen today. He should be having a birthday party. Or at least hanging out with friends, but as usual, Dean didn’t really have any friends. He was in his second school so far this year already, and most of the kids were scared of Dean Winchester - big brother to Sam Winchester. Dean didn’t let anyone mess with Sammy, and that kind of attitude rarely made you popular. Although some of the girls seemed to like how he protected Sam, and Dean liked the girls. Still, no one’s Mom was going to let their little girl hang out with a “bad boy” like Dean. So here it was his birthday, and Dean was taking care of Sammy again. Dean had gotten used to Dad being gone most the time. He could cook, or at least heat food up, and always made sure Sam had his homework done. Tonight John was out, and probably wouldn’t be back till very late. 

“Happy freakin Birthday to me,” Dean thought as he flipped through a comic. He found himself wishing Cas could visit on different days as he dozed on the scuzzy couch.  
Dean awoke in the bed with Sammy. His dad was asleep still; probably would be most of the day. Dean still loved his father, and knew he was doing the best he could. When his dad was around and sober, or at least more sober than normal, he would show Dean how to fix things on the Impala. Dean really did love his dad’s car. Sure it was old, but his dad kept her perfect. She was big, and black, and just a little scary. The odd thing about the Impala was if Dean even threatened to put a shoe on the bumper he’d get the beating of a lifetime. Yet, when he had shoved Legos in the heater vent, his dad left them. Same as the Army man Sam had, somehow, managed to get stuck in the rear ashtray. It was as if those things somehow made her more theirs. Dean walked to the sink for some water when he noticed a lump of newspaper on the table with a note next to it.

_Dean,_   
_Sorry I missed your birthday. Wake me up when you get up, and we’ll open your present._   
_Do not open it without me._

_Dad_

Dean looked at the lump, wondering what it could be that he had to wait for his dad. He gently picked it up off of the table. It was heavy, that was for sure. He put it down and went to his dad’s bed - he had told Dean to wake him.

“Dad?” Dean gently shook the man.

“What?” John grumbled. 

“You said to wake you, in your note, sir.” Dean hoped his dad remembered even writing it.

“Yeah, I did. Okay, give me a few minutes. Put some coffee on. Ok, boy?” John rubbed his hands over his bleary face.

“Yes, sir.” Dean answered respectfully. 

Dean didn’t know how to react as he looked down at the shiny pistol in his hands. Wide-eyed he looked at his dad. 

“Happy birthday, Dean.” John said with a smile.

John liked to hunt and was a former Marine, so there had been guns in the house when Dean was little. He, of course, was never allowed to touch them - he was only 4. Dean also knew his dad kept a few in the trunk of the car; while the rest were with Bobby. It never occurred to Dean that his dad would, not only, get him a gun; but a Colt 1911 A1? This thing was beautiful. Nickel plated with an Ivory grip, and the engraving, amazing. Dean still hadn’t shut his mouth.

“You’re gonna catch flies, boy.” John laughed. Dean snapped his mouth closed still eyeing the gun in his hand.

“Let me get some more coffee in me and we’ll go shoot it.” John scrubbed at his face again with a tired hand.

By this time Sammy had started to wake up. “What’s going on?” The sleepy boy asked as he sat up.

Dean looked to his dad silently asking permission to show Sammy. John gave him a smile and a small nod. Holding the pistol like it was a precious artifact, Dean walked to Sam’s bedside. 

“Look what dad got me for my birthday.” Dean almost whispered, afraid anything louder would break the spell of family that had fallen over the motel.

“Wow!” Sam breathed, his small fingers gently brushing over the engraving on the barrel.

A little while later, the three Winchester men drove out to a large empty field away from the main road. Considering they were in rural Tennessee that didn’t take too long. John explained about gun safety to both boys in detail. Sam and Dean both listened to their father with rapt attention. John also explained, that even though the gun was Dean’s birthday present, both boys would be learning to shoot. John produced a Walther PPK from a hidden shoulder holster for Sam to practice with. He was smart, but still only 8 years old. 

At this point he sat both boys down. “Look, I know I haven’t been there for you much since your m - since your mom; and I won’t always be able to be there for you in the future. So, I want you to be able to protect yourselves from anything that comes along.” 

John said with all seriousness. “You boys are going to learn to fend for yourselves. It’s not going to be easy, but you need to know.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent practicing shooting at cans and bottles. When Dean hit one of the bottles on his own John beamed with pride. It was a look Dean had not seen in a very long time. Sam did his best and was able to hit one can. He really wasn’t as interested in shooting the guns as Dean was, though. As they drove back Dean looked out the window at the passing trees, having not felt this happy in years. Now, he really wished Cas could’ve been here. 

Over the next few months Dean and Sam saw a lot more of their Dad. He insisted on taking them shooting 2 to 3 times a week as well as working on the car with Dean almost every Saturday. There were some good days, and some not so good days. John was still drinking heavily and tended to take his grief out on the boys. Sam tried to make his dad happy, but usually he just wanted to study and work on his homework. Within a few months the shooting lessons became more about just surviving should their dad be gone, and John was treating them more like soldiers than sons. Dean for his part did everything he could to make his dad proud; to get that look of approval that he craved so much. Some days though, he still just wished to be a regular kid. 

John was hard on the boys, some would say too hard. By the time October came around both boys were decent shots; Dean could field dress a deer on his own, and had already survived staying in the woods by himself overnight, with just his gun and a knife. They still moved around a lot; their dad seeming to need to find a new job every few weeks. If they were lucky they might be able to stay in one place for a couple of months. Sometimes, they could stay in the same school, most times they couldn’t. Dean tried to keep his grades up, but really focused more on helping Sammy. Dean was young, but he wasn’t stupid, he knew that he wasn’t the best in school or the smartest. He knew cars though, and knew he could always be a mechanic. Sam on the other hand, he was smart, very smart. Sam needed to make more of himself; Dean needed to help his brother get out of this existence and have a normal life. He also realized that at some point they would be on their own, and who would take care of Sammy? He couldn’t count on anyone else to help him. The only person who ever seemed to care enough to help was Cas, but he only showed up once a year. That wouldn’t help either brother at all. 

Dean checked on the macaroni he was making for his, and Sam’s dinner. He set the spoon down and thought about Cas. The 22nd was next week and Dean still felt a flutter of excitement whenever he thought about the strange man coming to visit. It had occurred to Dean that he could be some weird pervert. Cas, however, had never done anything to make Dean uncomfortable, or feel like he wanted anything from him really - just to be there, as a protector, a friend. Thinking back on previous visits Dean realized that Cas never seemed to get any older. He would need to remember to ask him about that. The one thing that Dean was sure of was that, if he could, he would do anything to keep Cas here with him and Sam. If only he could stay.

Dean woke up before the sun was fully over the horizon, it was Thursday the 22nd. His dad was in the shower and Sammy was still asleep. Dean stayed in bed as he thought through his plan. The time Cas showed up seemed to vary, but Dean knew he’d get a whole day with him. He had forged his dad’s signature enough to know that skipping school would be easy. Dean was going on 14 and had figured a few things out along the way. He really wanted as much time as possible with Cas this visit. Dean had a date on Saturday, and he didn’t feel like he could talk to his dad about certain things, but he just knew Cas could help. 

After John left around 6:15 Dean jumped up and got ready. He was already getting Sammy’s cereal ready by 6:30. 

“Rise and shine, Sammy!” Dean exclaimed, pulling the blankets off of his brother. 

“huh? Wha – Dean, what are you doing? It’s only 6:30!” Sam whined as he yawned and stretched.

“Well you don’t want to be late for school, do ya?” Dean smiled as he poured the milk.

“Dean what are you talking about?! The bus won’t even leave till 7:30 and it’s only a 5 minute walk?” Sam laid back down throwing the covers over his head. 

Dean dragged the covers down the bed. “Up, now Sam. I have plans, and I need to make sure you’re good to go.”

Sam sluggishly sat back up, “Fine, wait? What day is it? Is this because Cas is coming today?” he squinted at Dean. 

“Sam you look like a bitch when you make that face. Stop.” Dean said as he rolled his eyes.

“That’s not an answer, Dean.” Sam yelled as he went into the bathroom.

Sam just shook his head as he got on the bus, looking back at Dean over his shoulder. “You’re going to get in trouble, Dean.”

“Not if you hurry up and get your butt on the bus.” Dean stated.

Sam rolled his eyes, as Dean tossed out an affectionate, “Bitch.”

“Jerk.” Sam replied.

Now that Sam was gone all he had to do was wait. Dean really hoped it wouldn’t be long. He went back to the room, and lay back down to flip through a car magazine. 

Dean yawned and stretched as he realized he must’ve dozed off. “Crap, what time is it?” he thought. As Dean sat up he saw a shape standing at the foot of the bed. He jumped out of bed ready to go for his gun when he realized it was Cas.

“Cas, what are you doing?” Dean tried to calm his racing heart.

“I was watching over you while you slept.” Cas replied honestly, tilting his head slightly.

“Well don’t. It’s creepy.” Dean stretched as he smiled at his friend.

Cas noticed Dean had gotten taller. He appeared to be almost 5’5” already. He couldn’t believe how fast Dean was growing up. 

Dean asked that they go to a park so they could talk. There was one around the corner from the motel that he had seen when they drove into town. As soon as they sat down Dean had launched into everything that had been going on this last year. His gun, the training their dad had been giving them. With a gleam in his eyes he told Cas about changing the oil on the Impala almost completely by himself. His dad still needed to help with the bolt on the drip pan, but other than that it was all Dean. Cas smiled slightly at not only hearing the excitement and joy in Dean’s voice, but also the joy coming from his soul and the Grace that remained in him. Dean started to tell Cas about some of the girls at his school and one in particular that he would be seeing this weekend. Dean really liked her and thought maybe he might want to kiss her, but that he wasn’t sure how. Cas’ deep blue eyes grew wide for a number of reasons. First and foremost, he may be an ancient being and have witnessed every physical act known to humans, but he had never participated. He had no clue what to tell Dean regarding the how of kissing. The more troubling issue was the emotion that surged through Cas when Dean mentioned it. Dean had a path that his Father had chosen; Cas should have never become this close to the boy. This emotion, this jealousy; it was not acceptable for Castiel to be feeling this way. Castiel was angry, not at Dean, but at himself.

“What was I thinking would happen? That the dream I saw would be real? That the vision Father had shared would somehow include me?” Castiel thought. He had let this get out of control. For an Angel, and virtuous being, like him to feel jealousy over a young human boy was ludicrous. Castiel wasn’t even sure when his feelings had changed. It was all so confusing to Cas. This boy in front of him would become the man that Cas would give up everything for, that Cas loved; but Dean was still a child. In Castiel’s mind this was not ok. He needed distance from Dean, and needed it quick. 

“Cas? You okay?” Dean asked placing his hand on Cas’ shoulder causing Castiel to flinch. Dean pulled his hand back confused. 

“I’m f..fine. I just, I will be back.” Cas stammered as he walked away from the boy. The Angel had tried to get to heaven, and instead had ended up here. Castiel needed to get to heaven; it was very perplexing that he had ended up here instead. Once he was out of Dean’s line of sight, Castiel teleported to a remote bench and tried to receive revelation. All Angels should be able to hear the Heavenly Host no matter where on Earth they were. Castiel relaxed and focused, but heard nothing. This was troubling, he knew he needed to figure this out, but felt awful for just leaving Dean in a park. Later, once Dean was asleep, he would have more time. Then, he could work on the issue. Castiel teleported back to the park and walked back over to Dean. 

Dean was already looking around the park as soon as Cas had returned. “Cas, what’s going on?”

“Nothing Dean, I am fine. However, I do not think I would be much help with your dilemma.” Cas said trying to hide the emotion in his voice. 

“Oh, ok.” He said as he looked at his hands. Dean got the distinct impression it would be best to drop it, and changed the subject. The next few hours were filled with conversation about anything other than girls. Dean told Cas about the more recent training John had been giving the boys, that he hoped to learn to drive soon, how Sam had been doing in school. Dean looked at his watch and realized Sam would be home from school soon. They walked back to the motel and met up with Sam in the parking lot of their most recent home. This motel wasn’t the worst Cas had seen the boys in, but it was certainly far from the best. Watching Dean take care of Sam, Cas was amazed by how well this young boy could already be like a father to his younger brother. 

The three of them chatted till Sam went to bed around 9 o’ clock. Dean still had some questions rolling around in his head, but after this afternoon, he wasn’t sure how Cas would react. Cas was Dean’s best friend, the one person who had been there for him no matter what, well at least once a year. Now, though, he felt like there was something Cas wasn’t telling him.

“Cas, you know if there is anything _you_ want to talk about that’s fine.” Dean said with a soft smile. “You’re always listening to me, and that’s great, don’t get me wrong. I can’t thank you enough for always being here for me. I just, I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me stuff too. I’m not a kid anymore.” Dean finished with a hopeful look in his eyes.  
Cas sighed. “Dean, you have much responsibility for a b…a young man. You are still very young though, and there are many things I’m sure you wouldn’t understand.”

“Will you ever let me in on the big secret?” Dean asked.

“What secret, Dean?” Cas grew worried.

“Well, about you for one. I do get that a man showing up in a flash of bright white light once a year is not a normal thing, ya know.” Dean looked deep into Cas’ too blue eyes. They made his stomach flip in a way he didn’t quite understand. 

“One day, I will.” Cas acquiesced. “You should get some sleep now, Dean. You want to be rested for your date tomorrow.” Cas said with no animosity. Yes, he knew that he was in love with the future version of Dean, but there was nothing he could do about that right now.

“Ok. Stay here while I get ready?” Dean asked, and Cas nodded. While Dean was in the restroom, Castiel contemplated his feelings, the fact he was even having them confounded the Angel. He really needed to figure all of this out. 

When Dean came back out he was in his pajamas. He walked right up to Castiel and hugged him. “You’re not alone, Cas. Just remember that.” Dean said as he stepped back.  
He smiled at the boy. Cas knew that this was the grandest gesture that Dean could make, and it meant the world to him. “I will try.” He said with a slight smile on his lips.

“Now, go to bed.” Cas followed as Dean climbed into the queen sized bed that he shared with Sam. 

As Cas turned to leave Dean grabbed his wrist. “I mean it, Cas. You’re not alone.”

Cas twisted his hand in Dean’s grasp so he could grasp his wrist back. With this small gesture of affection Castiel replied “I know. Thank you, Dean.”

With that they both let go and Cas walked out of the room as Dean rolled over to sleep.

Castiel immediately teleported back to the bench he had been at earlier. He tried again to receive revelation, with no luck. He started to think on the physics of time travel for Angels. It was all energy; his being, the universe. Time travel was all about how you bent that energy or in this case Space-Time, using Electro Magnetic fields. Humans had only recently, well from Castiel’s perspective, discovered many of the theories and formulas that allowed Angels to travel through time; and humans would most likely never master them. Obviously, neither had Cas. It was simple in principle. All he needed to do was to use his Grace, his EMF, to bend Space-Time; basically closing the distance between two points in the Space-Time continuum. Using his knowledge of the timeline and where Dean was, should’ve been enough to get him where he wanted to go. Having the added bonus of his Grace in Dean’s body should have made traveling to any point in Dean’s life an exceedingly simple process. So what was the problem? Using his divine senses, Castiel reached out to the universe around him. He felt no differences in the Earth’s rotation, there was currently no sun spot activity, and the EMF around the globe felt, well, normal. There should be nothing preventing Castiel from going home. However, as he tried yet again, nothing - he was stuck. To make matters worse, Cas had started to feel that pull again that said he needed to jump. Although now that he thought about it, the better way to phrase it was that he was going to jump; since it seems Castiel had very little choice in the matter. The last time he had tried to stay, it had been quite painful. The fatigue he had noticed didn’t seem any worse, but it was definitely something to be monitored. As the pull got stronger, Castiel wondered if he just cleared his mind and let whatever was causing this to take him, maybe he’d at least end up in the time he had originally intended to go to. He closed his eyes, cleared his mind of all distraction and felt himself jump.


	5. Chapter 5

The date Dean had that Saturday was, in a word, awesome. The girl, Lisa, had brought him to the birthday party of one of her friends. He didn’t really know anyone, but that didn’t last long once they started playing 7 minutes in Heaven. It was Lisa’s idea. Dean had never played before, but he just kept cool and pretended that he knew what the deal was. It became obvious pretty quick what the game was about. Dean found that all the girls kept trying to spin the bottle so it would land on him. All they did was kiss and it wasn’t even the type of kissing Dean had seen on the late night movie channels; the girls really seemed into it though. The other thing was that Dean didn’t think about his mother, father, or even worry about Sammy when he was kissing these girls. All he felt was the warmth from their bodies and the other warmth in his belly that, as a teenager, he was very familiar with. Dean did feel a little bad the next day at school when a fight broke out, because two of the girls at the party both thought they were now Dean’s girlfriend. The boys had left that school not long after though, so Dean didn’t worry about it too much.

It was now October of 1993, and Dean couldn’t wait for the 22nd. 

It was a Friday, so Dean didn’t feel too bad skipping school. Although Cas didn’t even get there till after 4pm, so he could’ve gone. Dean knew in his heart, though, that there was no way he would’ve been able to concentrate - he never could when he thought about Cas. It didn’t really make a whole lot of sense to Dean, but it didn’t bother him either so he didn’t question it. Dean was sitting in the motel room alone staring out the window, waiting. His dad was gone, of course, and Sam was at the library. That’s when Dean heard it, a faint high pitched squeal. It never got very loud and wasn’t unpleasant. Then Dean saw the glow, just there in the middle of the parking lot. Dean had seen a flash of light before when Cas would appear, but he had never watched his arrival from beginning to end. It was beautiful. When the light faded there he was trench coat and all. Dean’s face was split in two his smile was so big, that was until Cas collapsed. 

Dean ran across the parking lot of the mostly empty motel, and fell next to his friend. “Castiel?! Hey Cas! Are you okay?!”

Castiel coughed, and put his hand on Dean’s shoulder as they both stood. “What was that about?” Dean demanded.

“I, I don’t know. Can we go inside?” Cas was still shaky on his feet. 

“Yeah, sure come on.” Dean wrapped his arm around Cas’ back helping to hold him up, as Cas held onto Dean’s shoulder. Dean grabbed the hand that was wrapped over his shoulder as they walked toward the room; hoping no one had seen his friend’s unusual arrival.

Dean nudged the door open with his foot and helped Cas through. As they neared the table Dean turned his head up and toward his friend. He realized it wouldn’t be much longer and he’d be as tall as he was. Then Cas trained his insanely blue eyes on Dean’s green ones, and it went straight to his teenage libido. Dean cleared his throat as he released Cas to sit in one of the dining room chairs. 

“You want some water or something?” Dean asked as he turned away from Cas, trying to get his hormones under control.  
Dean knew he was almost 15, but damn, this was Cas. It didn’t make a lick of sense to Dean. First, he had known Cas all of his life, he was his buddy. Second, Dean liked girls. He should be freaking out that he had a feeling like that about a guy; but as he glanced back at Cas while filling a glass with some water, he couldn’t find it in himself to be upset. 

“So,” Dean asked as he set the water down. “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“Dean.” Castiel said firmly not wanting to get into this again.

“No, Cas. You just about collapsed out there. I’m almost 15; I can handle it I swear.” Dean insisted.

“To be honest Dean, I’m not really sure.” Cas started. Castiel explained to Dean that at first he was coming to visit just because he wanted to check on Dean and make sure he was ok, but now it seems he can’t stop. Cas left out a lot, such as him being an Angel that was tasked with watching over Dean. Of course, he also leaves out all of his knowledge of the future, and his feelings. 

“So, you’re like a time traveler?” Dean asked in all seriousness. At this point it seemed like anything was possible.

“Basically, yes.” Cas answered. He figured it was the safest answer he could give Dean at the moment.

“Cas.” Dean started. “You’re my best friend, and I….I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Dean hated talking about his feelings, but he wanted Cas to know, felt he needed to know. 

The corner of Cas’ mouth quirked up in a small smile. 

“You feelin’ better?” Dean asked with a grin.

“Yes, Dean. Thank you.” Cas said as he took a small sip of the water Dean had brought. He didn’t need it, but he figured it was the polite thing to do.  
They started to talk like they always do, Dean filling Cas in on how Sammy and his dad were doing. John was still training them on how to survive, but his drinking was worse. When both training and drinking were part of the day, it never really went well. Sam was doing well in school even though they were still moving around pretty regularly. Dean went on to tell Cas about how he had figured out the kissing girls thing. To which Cas stiffed slightly, although not enough for Dean to notice. Dean went on about some of the girls he had met, when Cas suddenly grabbed his head.

“Cas what’s wrong?” Dean asked as he moved to his friend’s side.

“I…I don’t know why Dean, but I feel like I have to jump again.” Cas groaned.

“What do you mean? You just got here?!” Dean grabbed Cas’ shoulder. “Is there anything I can do?” Dean asked worriedly.

“No Dean. This just, shouldn’t be happening so soon.” Cas replied. “I’m sorry I couldn’t spend more time with you Dean.” Cas looked into the teenager’s eyes. “I’ll see you soon.”

Dean stepped back and in a bright flash, Cas had disappeared. 

“Cas?!” Dean yelled, looking around the room. It was no use, though; Cas was gone.  
Dean sat at the table staring out the dingy window. It was only 6:30pm. Maybe Cas would find a way back. He couldn’t help but replay the time they had together in his mind. One moment kept taking center stage; those too deep blue eyes boring into him, and the rush of feelings that came with that glance. Dean had no idea what to do with the intensity of the emotions, but his body did. Dean went to take a shower to take care of his issue, with every intention of thinking of Lisa and the other girls he’d made out with. However, as the warm water ran over his body he found his mind drifting back to Cas’ eyes and, as he finished, Cas’ name was on his lips.  
When Dean went back to school he felt like everyone knew he had feelings for a guy. So, he did the only thing he could think of, found the nearest willing girl to make out with.

The rest of the year was more of the same for Dean, taking care of Sammy, faking his way through school, learning from his dad. He did learn how to drive, not that his dad let him take the Impala anywhere. Dean also went through more girls than he could count. He always felt better when he was with them, but the feelings never lasted. 

The next October brought another short visit from Cas. He seemed worn out to Dean, although he insisted he was fine. In all honesty, it was a little awkward. Dean could tell Cas was keeping something from him, but Dean was also keeping a secret. They still talked, and got to spend an hour alone before Sam came back from the library. Dean was glad for his brother’s company. Part of him wished he could talk to Cas about what he had been feeling, but Dean wasn’t even truly sure himself, so he just kept quiet about it. He was finding it harder and harder not to just stare at Cas. He kept stealing glances while Sam was telling Cas about his day.  
“What is wrong with you, Winchester?” Dean thought to himself. He never felt like this around other guys, just Cas. At some point Dean had zoned out, lost in his own thoughts. He heard Sam say his name in part of his conversation with Cas. Then a few moments later, Cas doubled over. 

“Cas?!” Dean exclaimed.

“It’s time, Dean. I have to go.” Cas moaned as he backed away from the boys.

“Cas, you have to tell me what’s going on.” Dean almost begged, but he was already gone. 

The last half of 1995 had been particularly hard for Dean. He’d been in a fight protecting Sam at school. The girl he was dating dumped him - not that he could really blame her. They had been in the janitor’s closet having a pretty heavy duty make out session. Usually, Dean was the one in control, but this girl, she was aggressive and had him up against the wall before the door had even completely closed. She kissed him hard with hands running under his t-shirt to rub his chest. She kissed down his jaw to where his neck met his shoulder and had started to nibble on Dean’s pulse point. Something about the forcefulness pulled a moan from his throat ending with a sigh of “Cas”. Which wouldn’t have been so bad except her name was Jen. Jen snapped her head back looking wide-eyed at Dean. When Dean just stared back, she slapped him and left the closet. Dean decided he needed a pick-me-up. He went to a movie. Which in and of itself is not a big deal, but he had spent all of the money left for food for him and Sam. So, when dinner time rolled around he’d had no choice but to steal some. Ok, so Dean screwed up, he knew this. He’d said he was sorry, but no. His dad thought it best to leave him in a boy’s home for six months. 

So, here he was working a farm. He’d met a few cool people including a girl named Robin, but he missed his brother. After a few weeks, he’d actually grown to like it; he thought he could maybe start a new life there. He’d even asked Robin to the Fall Formal. The dance was supposed to be on the 22nd and Dean knew he could potentially miss seeing Cas, but maybe that was a good thing. His friend, this man, had been on his mind far more than Dean cared to admit. He was fixing his tie for the dance, when the home leader Sonny came in.

“Well, look at you.” Sonny said. “You clean up good.”

“Thank you. You know ah, I’ve never actually been to one of these school dances before.” Dean rocked on his heels nervously, lifting his eyebrows.

Sonny rubbed his hand on his face and propped a leg on one of the beds. “Yeah, look about that, Dean. Your old man’s outside, and man he’s really something.”

Dean’s face fell, he knew what was coming.

“I tried to tell him what a big night it was for you, Dean, and ask him if he could come back later, but he just told me to tell you he had a job.”

Dean glanced to the photo of Robin, knowing he wouldn’t even get to say goodbye.

“You know, after I got out of jail”, Sonny continued. “This place gave me a second chance, and it’s done the same for you, too.”

Tears filled Dean’s eyes as he listened quietly.

“So if you want, I’ll stick my neck out for you, and I’ll fight for you to stay.” Sonny paused.

The sound of the impala’s horn filtered up to the house from the street. Dean crossed to the window and looked out to the glossy black car. A smile formed on his lips as he saw Sammy playing in the rear window. As he was turning to tell Sonny that he had to go he noticed a figure under a street lamp about 15 yards behind the Impala. He squinted a little to see - could it be - it was, it was Cas. Dean smiled knowing he had been there, even if he hadn’t been able to spend time with him.  
Dean crossed back to Sonny. “Sonny, thank you.” Dean said shaking the man’s hand firmly. “For everything, but I have to go.” He gave his friend a hug and went to pack his few meager belongings in a bag. Dean reached the car and glanced back at the house, and then to the street lamp as he opened the door. Cas was gone, but Dean knew he had been there and that was what mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

The next few months passed slowly for Dean. Dad had moved them back to Sioux Falls, but they weren’t living with Uncle Bobby. Dean had been trying to take care of Sam, who was beginning to resent his big brother’s constant mothering. Sam had just turned 13 a couple weeks ago, and was beginning to have his own thoughts about their life, and didn’t “need Dean acting like his dad”. At least that was what Sam had said the last time they fought. Being 17 Dean knew, with their dad being the drunk that he was, that Dean was the only one who could help keep Sammy on the right track. For the most part Sam didn’t need much help. He liked school and excelled wherever they went. Dean, however, still needed to make sure he ate and went to bed at a decent time.

“Sam, come eat your dinner.” Dean said to his furiously typing brother.

“What is it?” Sam asked without looking up.

“Cheeseburger, your favorite.” Dean set two sodas on the table.

“No, that’s your favorite. Can’t I have a salad or something?” Sam stopped typing. 

Dean turned to his brother scowling. “Look, Sam, you know Dad only leaves us so much money for food. I can’t go getting fancy salads for you. Come eat your burger.”

“Nah, I’m not really hungry.” Sam said dismissively, going back to his typing.

This was always how it started. “Damn it, Sam. I’m doing the best I can here, ok? You don’t want it, fine. I’ll put it in the frig; you can have it for breakfast.”

“You can’t make me eat it, Dean. You’re not Dad.” Sam bristled. God, Dean hated Sam’s bitch face.

“Ya know what, you’re right. I’m not Dad.” Dean yelled as he grabbed his jacket and wretched open the door.

“Wait? Where are you going?” Sam stood and started toward Dean.

“Out!” Dean slammed the door. 

Dean had five dollars. He knew he’d get his ass beat, but figured he could just tell his dad he lost it. Dean also knew the affect he had on women. So, when the nice young lady outside the liquor store had done a double take looking at the handsome young man, Dean knew he had his target. It didn’t take much; just a sly smirk, and a slight nod of his head, and she had eagerly agreed to go buy Dean a fifth of whisky. She handed him the bottle. “How old are you?” 

“18” Dean lied. He was only 8 months shy of 18, close enough in his book. “How about you?” he smirked again tilting his head to look down at her.

“I just tuned 21.” She said with a smile. 

Dean stepped a little closer to her, bringing his body into her personal space. “You wanna help me drink this?”

“Sure.” Came her lusty reply. 

It didn’t take long for the bottle to be empty, and their lips to be kiss-swollen. 

“You want to come back to my place.” The girl slurred.

“Sure thing, beautiful.” Dean threw his arm around her as they walked 2 blocks over to her apartment. 

Dean had never gone all the way, but understood how it was supposed to go. You don’t grow up in motels not seeing at least a little Casa Erotica. It was sloppy, they were drunk, but the wonderful light headed buzzed feel Dean had, made him want to do this all the time. It was the ultimate escape. Before he knew it the condom he bought on his 17th birthday was on and he was inside her. The feeling was so intense; he knew he wasn’t going to last long. As he closed his eyes and pumped in and out of this girl, whose name he didn’t even know, blue eyes flashed in his mind’s eye. Not just any blue eyes though, his blue eyes, and that was all it took; Dean was coming harder than he ever had in his short life. After a few moments trying to catch his breath, Dean rolled over and slid out of the nameless girl. She wanted to cuddle, but all Dean could see was Cas’ face. It was really starting to mess with his head. He practically jumped up, discarded the used condom, and threw his clothes on. 

“Wait, where are you going?” the girl asked.

“I gotta go. Uh, thanks.” Dean said as he smiled and walked out of the apartment.

Dean’s mind was running a mile a minute as he walked back to the motel. Where are these feeling’s for Cas coming from? It didn’t feel wrong in his heart, but he grew up with a not so understanding father. He knew what his dad thought of queers. Was he queer? Dean had never looked at a guy this way, ever. Only Cas. Even though Dean only saw him once a year it felt like the older he got the stronger these feelings got. Dean stopped in a park, a block or so from the motel. 

Dean threw his head back looking to the sky, “Cas, man where are you? I really need to talk to you.” He rubbed his hands furiously over his face. Dean knew he needed to get back. His dad would probably be home soon.

Luckily, John wasn’t back yet, and Dean promptly passed out in the bed. Both boys were sound asleep when John finally stumbled in at 4am. He made it as far as the bathroom and collapsed. 

When Sam woke up around six, he found his father still on the floor in the bathroom; his head lying in a pool of vomit. 

“Dean!” Sam screamed as he turned toward his brother; hands grasping at his father shoulders.

“What! What is it?” Dean asked jumping out of bed, as he grabbed his head from the hang over that had taken hold.

“It’s Dad, come quick.” Sam shook John’s shoulder hard. “Dad!?”

Dean quickly reached Sam’s side and pulled him back. “Sam, go call 911.” 

Seeing Sam hesitate Dean yelled. “Now Sammy, go!”

In a heartbeat Sam was up and grabbing his dad’s cell phone. Meanwhile, Dean started checking for a pulse, trying to see if he was breathing. “Dad? Dad, can you hear me?”

He was breathing, but unconscious. Sam came back over, tears streaming down his face. Dean reached up and grabbed the phone telling the dispatcher what she needed to know. 

The ride to the hospital seemed to take forever. The boys sat watching the techs work on their father, the sirens screaming in the background. Dean wrapped his arm around his sniffling brother, tears still running down Sam’s face. Dean was holding on as best he could, but he knew as soon as he blinked the first tear would fall. Dean wiped at his eyes furiously with his free hand; he knew once that first tear fell, he wouldn’t be able to stop. As soon as the staff had wheeled John back, Dean called Bobby. 

The hours passed, and Dean did what he did best, took care of Sammy. They had moved their dad to a room, and had brought the boys to a waiting room just down the hall. 

“You’ll be able to see your dad soon.” A kind nurse told the boys as she patted Sam’s shoulder. 

“Thanks.” Dean forced a smile. 

“Sammy, why don’t you wait here, and I’ll get us a snack from the vending machines.” Dean gently led his spaced out brother to a chair. Sam sat with no complaint, obviously in shock.

Dean passed his dad’s room on the way back to his little brother. He glanced in to see the doctor and Bobby talking with John. It wasn’t long after, that the shouting started. 

Worried his father would see him through the door; Dean hurried back to Sam. However, even in the waiting room, you could still make out a few words coming from the yelling men down the hall. 

A total of 12 hours, and a few screaming matches later; they were back in the motel, their dad having checked himself out against both Bobby’s, and the Doctor’s advice.

“Dad, what were they saying about your liver?” Sam asked again. 

“I told you, it’s none of your concern. I’m fine.” John replied.

Dean tried to play peacekeeper, but it very rarely worked when Sam and John got into it. After a few more hours of shouting and threats it quieted down enough for Dean to feel safe to get some sleep. He tossed and turned as nightmares of his father dying swirled through his hung-over brain along with thoughts of how could he have been so stupid? If he’d just stayed in, not gotten drunk; maybe he would’ve heard his father fall. Maybe he could’ve helped more. 

When Dean woke from a particularly bad nightmare he sat up rubbing his face; he looked around, he was alone. It didn’t take long to find the note from Sam saying he gotten himself ready for school and would see Dean later. One glance through the window and Dean could see the Impala was gone. Whether that meant Dad was working or drinking he didn’t know, and frankly his pounding head didn’t care.

June rolled around, and Dean thought maybe he could help his dad by getting a summer job. John wasn’t opposed, as long as it wasn’t with Bobby, so Dean walked down to the nearest auto repair place and asked if they had any openings. He didn’t understand what was up with his uncle and Dad, but he knew better then to disobey. The owner of Rufus’ Repair was an older black man who obviously liked his whiskey, and had no time for nonsense. 

“What’s your name, boy?” Rufus asked as he and Dean walked through the small shop.

“Dean Winchester, sir.” Dean replied. 

Rufus whipped his head around and eyed the boy. “Sir, huh? Ok. You know anything about cars?” Rufus finished.

Dean launched into a detailed description of the different work he had done or at least helped with on the Impala. At that point there wasn’t much he couldn’t do. Tune ups, oil changes, minor body work, his dad had him doing it all. Rufus seemed impressed, but kept his poker face.

“Ok, Winchester. You’ll start at the bottom, cleaning up spills, lugging batteries, anything we need. We’ll see how you do, and go from there. Minimum wage and 20 hours a week, ok?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“Yes sir, thank you, sir. I really appreciate it.” Dean shook the man’s hand excitedly.

“Alright, alright, be back here tomorrow 7am sharp.” Rufus waved Dean off.

It was crap work, but it got Dean a little money. He, of course, gave most of it to his dad but usually tried to keep some back for himself. Toward the end of June his and Sam’s relationship became even more strained. Dean could only assume it was because Sam was on his own so much; what with dad being, well Dad, and Dean working his 20 hours. Dean decided he wanted to do something special for his brother. After work, he stopped by the local fireworks stand and purchased about $60 worth of every kind of firework imaginable, then went back to the motel. Sam was at the library, again. 

His dad was just starting on his first beer when Dean sat next to him on the couch. 

“Dad? Do you think I could take the car to go get Sam, and get some ice cream or something? I got paid today, and I’ll put gas in her.” Dean spat out as fast as his lips would go. Hoping that if he said it fast enough his father would say yes, before he knew what Dean had asked. 

John turned and looked his son dead in the eyes. “Crap.” Dean thought, preparing to get back handed. John held the keys up and said, “If there is a single scratch on her, I’ll take it outta your hide.” Dean reached for the keys just as John yanked them back. “You understand me, boy?” he finished.

“Yes sir. Not a scratch.” Dean promised.

Dean couldn’t help the ear to ear grin that spilt his face as he grabbed the fireworks from where they were stashed in the bushes. Dean closed the trunk softly and walked slowly toward the driver’s side door; his eyes and fingers trailing over the glossy black finish of the Impala. This would be the first time his father allowed him to take the car somewhere, alone. She was so beautiful, truly the finest lady he’d ever known. Dean was nervous, but so excited he couldn’t breathe. The car roared to life as he turned the key. Gently, he put her in gear and drove to the library. It was a short trip being only 10 blocks away, but Dean was euphoric. Driving this car was better than sex, not that he had that much to compare it to. He still had a huge grin on his face when Sam came out of the library. Of course, as soon as he saw the car Sam stopped dead in his tracks. Dean’s face fell a little knowing some of the thoughts that were probably running through his brother’s head. 

“Get in bitch, I gotta surprise.” Dean waved to his brother. Sam’s eyes got as big as saucers when he realized Dean was driving. He hurried across the parking lot to slide in on the passenger side.

“Dean? Where’s dad?” Sam asked cautiously as he closed the passenger side door.

“At the motel. Don’t worry Sammy, I asked and everything, we’re good.” Dean smiled, and put the car in gear. They drove around for a while, the windows down, just enjoying the nice summer evening. Dean eventually found a small clearing that he figured would serve their purposes. He shut the car off, and handed the keys to Sam. “Go look in the trunk.”

Dean got out and leaned against the driver’s door while he waited. He chuckled when he heard the whoop of joy come from the back. Sam slammed the trunk and looked at Dean, eyes wide as he looked back to the box full of fireworks.

“Come on let’s go!” Sam shouted as he ran for the field.

Once he got to the middle, he grabbed two roman candles and looked back to Dean. “You got your lighter?”

Dean grinned as he pulled out the zippo he always had on him. 

Sam came to stand beside him holding a candle up to Dean. “Fire em up.”

Dean lit both candles, the boys holding them up in opposite hands. They watched the colorful explosions above their heads. As each candle launched its last fireball the boys laid down the spent fireworks. 

Sam looked to his big brother. “Dad would never let us do anything like this. Thanks, Dean. This is great.” Sam wrapped his arms around his brother hugging him tightly. Dean was a little taken back at first; Sam hadn’t hugged him in a while. It only took a moment, though, for Dean to wrap his arms around his brother in return. Sam stepped back and looked up at Dean with hope in his eyes. Dean grinned and gave him a nod, knowing what his brother wanted to do.  
Sam ran back to the box and quickly lit a few random fuses. He shouted as he turned to run. “Fire in the hole!” 

It was magical, like a professional show; the fireworks Sam lit setting off others and so on. The sky lit up in a kaleidoscope of color, raining brilliant sparks like stars down on the field; both boys lost in the beauty of the moment. 

Dean looked to Sam, seeing how happy his little brother was, Dean’s grin split his face. Sam ran out into the shower of sparks, spinning around enjoying the thrill and freedom. The smile on his little brother’s face said more than any words could at that moment; I’m sorry, I understand, I know you are suffering too, thank you, and most of all I love you. Dean just continued to smile, and nodded. 

It had started to rain as the boys watched the last of the fireworks launch; which was good thing, as one of the sparks caught the grass on fire. The boys high tailed it out of there, but not before they saw the field start to burn. Luckily, it was just an empty field and there was no damage to anything. Sam and Dean laughed about the whole experience all the way back to the motel. 

When they got back, John was sitting watching the door. “You enjoy your ice cream?” He asked Sam. 

Sam looked to Dean who gave him a half smile and a wink. Sam turned to his father and without missing a beat. “Yes sir, Rum raisin. It was amazing.”

“Ok.” John said as he looked to Dean. “Keys?” To which Dean promptly handed them over. 

“Any issues?” John asked in a tone that Dean knew meant do not lie to me boy.

“No sir. I filled her up on the way back.” Dean said calmly, turning to Sammy. The brothers shared a smile that would’ve out shone the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and comments. Since Dean is getting older, the story will start earning it's rating soon. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Sorry for the delay guys. As always The Supernatural characters all belong to someone other than me. :) Please comment and let me know what you think. Thank you.

Chapter 7

Rufus had said, at the end of summer, that Dean could come back after high school if he needed a job. When September rolled around, though, Dean found himself in another town, at another new school. He'd lost track of how many there had been, but he was sure there wouldn't be too many more. As soon as he was 18 he was done. He only had 4 months to go and he knew exactly how he was going to pass the time. Girls. Dean really didn't care about school at this point.

His first day he met Amber, she was smokin in Dean's opinion, and seemed to be into him. They started dating and it didn't take long for their relationship to move to the making out in the janitor's closet phase. Things were progressing nicely, even Sam had a friend. Dad was dad, but nothing is perfect. Around the middle of October Dean had met Kira, and being the teenager he was decided it was a good idea to date both Amber and Kira at the same time. Everything had actually worked out well for Dean, until the 22nd of October. He was in the closet with Kira, doing what they did every Tuesday at the end of lunch. There was a knock at the door. "Five more minutes, Jerry!" Dean shouted through the door. As he went back to kissing Kira, the door opened. Amanda was standing there giving Dean a look. He of course did the only thing he could.

"Hi Amanda. Uh, Gettysburg address 1863 right?" Dean said, looking back to Kira. He could tell by the awkward silence Amanda wasn't buying it. Kira walked out leaving Dean to face his music. "History test, next period, we're studying." Dean said as a last ditch effort.

Amanda just turned and walked away. Dean followed "Come on baby, she means nothing to me, don't be mad."

I'm not mad, Dean." Amanda started. "I thought maybe, underneath your whole I could give a crap, bad boy thing, that there was something more going on." Amanda paused, her eyes softening some. "I mean like the way you are with your brother?"

Shaking her head she continued, "But I was wrong. You spend so much time trying to convince people that you're cool, but it's just an act. We both know that you're just a sad, lonely, little kid, and I feel sorry for you Dean."

Deep down Dean knew what she was saying held some truth, but he couldn't let her know that; couldn't be vulnerable like that. "You're sorry for me, huh? Don't feel sorry for me."

Dean tried to keep his temper under control, but the fact that she'd hit so close to home had his voice rising. "You don't know anything about me." Dean finished as she walked away. All the kids in the immediate vicinity had heard the argument and were whispering; Dean could only assume it was about him. He started to walk down the hall avoiding glances when his cell phone rang. He didn't recognize the number "Hello?"

"Hello, Dean." Came the familiar gravelly voice.

"Cas?" Dean couldn't believe that the man (A) had a phone, and (B) knew his number.

As Dean said his name Cas looked to the sky in relief. He had been fairly confident that the number he had seen on a previous visit was Dean's, but had not been certain.

"Finally." Dean said in relief. At least now he had someone who wouldn't judge him. "Where are you, Cas?" Dean leaned against the wall rubbing his face.

"On the side of a road near your motel. Should I come to you?" Cas asked knowing that he could teleport to Dean easily.

Dean shook his head. "Yep, that's Cas." He thought.

"I'm at Truman High School. Can you meet me here?" Dean asked.

"Of course, Dean." Cas started to reach out to the Grace in Dean to pinpoint his location.

"There's an empty class room on the second floor of the school, I'll wait for you there." Dean replied, knowing if he tried to sneak out now while lunch was still in session he'd get caught for sure. Worst case, with Cas there he could say the man was his uncle, and had come to sign him out for something.

"I'll be there shortly." Cas hung up. He waited a few minutes then teleported to the side entrance of the school. The grace in Dean reached out to Cas as soon as he materialized. The Angel found the room easily, and entered to find Dean looking out the window at the grey day. Cas approached to see what had his attention. Looking down, he saw Sam walking with some students to one of the out buildings for his next class. The young boy looked up and seeing both Dean and Cas smiled and waved.

"Looks like Dean is done with school for the day." Sam figured as he walked on.

Cas turned to Dean with his usual head tilt. "Are you ok, Dean?"

Dean looked into his buddy's eyes. Those eyes, Dean couldn't tear his eyes away from Cas' gaze. It didn't help that Kira was a skilled kisser and had left him pretty hot and bothered.

"Just a bad day." Dean tried to answer casually; finally managing to look toward the classroom doors. With the windows in the doors Dean knew they could be spotted pretty easily. They needed to hide for a few minutes. The halls were now pretty much empty, but Dean knew the drill. It was one of the first things he'd figured out when he got here. There were hall monitors that walked the halls the first 15 minutes of each period. Cas and Dean were sitting ducks in here. Dean glanced around and then back to Cas. It was only a moment, but Dean would've sworn Cas had been watching his lips.

"Hey, we need to hide for a couple of minutes. The hall Nazi's will find us if we're just sittin' here. Follow me." Dean said as he stood walking toward the supply closet at the back of the room. Cas tilted his head, but followed without question. The closet wasn't as big as the janitor's, but Dean was pretty sure they'd both fit. Besides, being in close quarters with Cas was sounding like a better idea with every second that passed. Dean opened the door and gestured for Cas to enter.

Cas squinted at Dean. "I don't understand, Dean. Why are we hiding in a closet?"

The irony of Cas' words was not lost on Dean. "Just get in, would ya?" he said rolling his eyes as he followed Cas in, and closed the door. Dean checked his watch. Maybe 10 minutes and they should be good. That was when Dean made the mistake of looking up, ok so maybe the closet was smaller than he thought. Dean's breath caught in his throat; Cas was only a few inches away, and there was no room to spare. The closet was already getting warm; Dean could feel the heat radiating from Cas. "God, he must be hot in all those layers." he thought.

"Cas, why don't you take your trench coat off? You have to be hot." Dean said as he reached for the lapels of the coat, and started pushing it off of Cas' shoulders as his eyes fell to the suit beneath.

Cas swallowed hard as his coat fell to the floor. He wasn't sure if this was something he did, or something his vessel needed - but it happened none the less.

Dean heard the sound and slowly looked up. What he saw made his stomach flip in the most pleasant way. Cas was definitely checking out his lips now. Before he realized Dean had caught him, he parted his plush pink lips to wet them. If Dean didn't know any better, and he was pretty sure he did, Cas wanted to kiss him. That realization had all the not so clean thoughts Dean had been having over the last couple of years flooding his brain. All those times in the shower when he had to bite his arm to keep from screaming Cas' name, all the times when he was alone, when he didn't.

When Dean looked at Cas, the Angel could see that his pupils were dilated, his eyes lidded. Even though Cas knew his vessel probably looked the same he was very unsure of how or if he should proceed. Dean was still so young.

Apparently Cas' concern showed, "Cas, if you're worried about my age, don't." Dean's voice was rough and low. The sound did things to Cas' vessel that he seemed to have no control over.

Dean took his time looking Cas up and down, closing the small distance between them. They were the same height now, and about the same build. Dean's heart was pounding in his chest. He'd dreamt of this chance, and he wasn't going to let it slip him by. Dean leaned toward his friend slowly, his eyes drifting over the man's face. Cas wet his lips, as Dean leaned even closer; his palm coming to rest on Cas' chest. He paused just a scant couple inches from the other's face, just breathing his air, waiting. Dean watched as the man's eyes fluttered closed; that was the invitation Dean was looking for. He closed his own eyes as he softly pressed his lips to Castiel's. His lips were warm; soft, yet slightly chapped. It was easy, and slow, and perfect. When Dean pulled back he looked at his friend.

"Dean." Cas sighed his eyes still closed; it was like his day dream, but it was real.

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"More." It was barely a whisper, but it was all the encouragement Dean needed. He grabbed Cas' shirt in his fists and pulled, hauling Cas' body hard against his. Their mouths came crashing together just as forcefully. Their lips slid over each other's in a way that ratcheted Dean's lust up to an almost unbearable level. He swiped his tongue across Castiel's ample bottom lip, begging for entrance. When Cas gasped at the sensation Dean seized the moment to dip his tongue in, feverishly exploring every crevice. Cas tentatively touched his tongue to Dean's, the sensation ripping a moan from both of them. The pitch was becoming too frenzied too fevered; Cas may have been innocent, but he knew where this was going.

As Dean reached for the buttons on Cas' shirt, his friend pulled away.

"Dean, we have… we have to stop." Cas said breathlessly.

Dean's hands froze as he looked at Cas, wide-eyed, confused. Gently, Cas laid his hands over Dean's, pulling them away from his rumpled shirt. He held Dean's hands in his as he looked deeply into the teenager's eyes.

"Please understand the thought of being with you, like this," Cas paused not knowing where to go with that statement. "I just - can't, Dean. You are still very young."

Dean started to protest. Cas put his finger to Dean's lips; letting his hand then slide to his cheek, gently running his thumb over Dean's cheekbone. He wanted to tell him the truth, everything, but Cas had to follow through with his mission from Heaven - assuming he hadn't failed already. Cas let his hand drop and stepped away from Dean.

Dean didn't understand, Cas was obviously into it. Maybe he just needed to give it time. Checking his watch he nudged Cas' shoulder. "We're good to go. Do you still want to hang out?" Dean winced inwardly at how needy he sounded. Cas nodded and followed Dean out into the class room, as he shrugged back into the familiar trench coat. When they got back to the motel, the Impala was in the parking lot. Dean looked to Cas and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "Do you wanna?" he asked hitching his thumb toward the motel, as he glanced at his friend. Cas just shook his head.

"I will try to come back later, if you'd like?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, sure." Dean tried to sound nonchalant.

"I will see you later then." A small smile turned the corners of Cas' mouth up as he turned and walked away.

Dean turned back toward the motel. No time like the present to tell his dad he was done with school. It, of course, did not go over very well. Luckily for Dean, his dad was just drunk enough to not put up too much of a fight. After he had agreed to get his GED this summer, his dad had decided to go out.

Dean was tired, which of course was just code for unhappy, and lonely. Amber had been right. He sat with his head in his hands trying to sort through his feelings about school, his dad, Cas. "I'm so stupid. Of course Cas wouldn't want to be with me." Dean thought to himself. They only saw each other once a year, and Dean was just a screwed up kid; and Cas was, well Dean wasn't sure what Cas was. The only word that came to mind was beautiful, which was not a word Dean used; save on the girls he was trying to get with, and then it didn't mean anything.

Dean eyes widened as he sat at the small dining room table. He knew Cas was back. Dean always seemed to know, but he never questioned it. He stood and walked to the door as a soft knock sounded. He opened the door to see his friend standing there, the same almost blank expression gracing his features.

"Hello, Dean." Cas said.

"Hey. You wanna come in?" Dean asked, holding the door open.

"Yes, thank you." Cas looked around, glad Sam wasn't there. While he had waited for John to leave, Cas had meditated on his mission, and what the kiss had meant to him. It was all very confusing for an Angel, who wasn't supposed to fall in love.

"Dean, I believe we need to talk about what happened today." Cas started.

"Nah man, don't worry about it." Dean waved his hand at Cas, desperately trying to avoid a chick flick moment. He had already embarrassed himself enough for one day. "Let's just forget it happened, ok?" Dean shrugged.

Dean, it seemed, was giving him an out. Cas knew he should tell him the truth, and help ease the pain flaring in the Grace inside of Dean; that meant explaining so many things, though. Things he knew he shouldn't reveal for his sake, or Dean's. So, Cas fell back on a tactic he had seen used by human's since the beginning of time.

"It is not you, or anything you did, Dean." Cas said somberly. "It's me." The lie tasted bitter on his tongue.

Dean huffed out a humorless laugh. "It's not you, it's me, huh Cas? Really?" Dean wiped his hand over his face. "You don't con a con man, Cas. One of these days you're going to need to tell me what your deal is. You know that, right?" Dean pointed at his friend, the anger bubbling up in his chest.

"I have known you all my life, yet when I try to get close, you shut me out." Dean said stalking into Cas' personal space. He stood just inches from the man, panting with his anger. Looking into Cas' eyes, though, Dean felt a rush of lust go straight for his groin. He shook his head and backed away to clear it from his thoughts.

"You know Cas, never mind. Just go. I'll see you next year. Ok?" Dean said trying to remove the anger from his voice.

All Cas could do was nod. "As you wish, Dean."

The Angel turned and walked toward the door. Dean's anger was, of course, justified. Cas knew, if he kept jumping through Dean's life, he would need to explain everything to him. He still worried about what it could do to the timeline, but now Cas felt there would be damage if he didn't tell him, as well.

Cas looked back at Dean, his green eyes were sparkling in the harsh motel light, "I am sorry, Dean. Goodbye." In the same bright flash Dean had come to know so well, he was gone.

Dean needed a drink.

A quarter mile walk, a smile, and a wink later; Dean had a fifth of Jack. Sam had called to say he was going to be at the library till at least seven, which gave Dean about 2 hours to himself. At first, the only thing Dean could feel was the anger and hurt. Cas had been in his head almost constantly for the last few months. It had become a constant challenge to keep his focus on any of the girls he'd been with. Maybe, that was why he had found himself dating more than one at a time. Dean had actually only slept with a couple of them, and only one of them more than once. He really enjoyed sex, and seemed to be getting pretty good at it, but as soon as it was over the emptiness was back.

Now, as Dean tossed back another swallow, he saw those eyes again. "Blue that shade should be illegal." Dean thought as he lay back on his bed. He set the bottle on the night stand and put his hands over his face. "Why do I feel like this, why can't I just be his friend, like before." Dean wondered. He closed his eyes and let the alcohol slowly dull his anger. Images of Cas from his childhood through to now swirled around his head. If he was honest with himself, Dean knew he had been fantasizing about Cas, and what it would be like to be with him, for the last couple of years. It had never occurred to Dean that he may feel the same way. Well, after today, who knew? Cas wasn't exactly an open book.

He replayed the kiss, and how warm Cas' lips had been - his voice had been completely wrecked. Even now, just remembering Cas' voice made blood rush to his cock. Dean finally gave his mind over to imagining Cas; what his lips would feel like on other parts of his body. Dean popped the button on his jeans, and pulled the zip down so he could free his already straining member. He slowly worked his cock while picturing Cas' hands exploring his body. Imagining those crazy eyes, so blown open with lust that there was only a hint of blue. Dean swiped his thumb over his slit gathering some of the pre-come to smooth his hands path. His breathing turned to shallow pants as he thought about what it would feel like to be laid out beneath his friend, their dicks sliding against each other as Cas ground his hips into Dean's. His pace quickened as the familiar heat started to spread, and Dean felt his balls begin to tighten. He pictured Cas' lips again, and imagined what it would feel like to have them wrapped around his cock, and that was it. Dean came over his hand and stomach; moaning Cas' name over and over, like a prayer, while he rode out his orgasm.

Once back down from his high, Dean thought to himself. "Well, next year is going to be awkward."


End file.
